But you dont look gay

Have you ever said “but you don’t look gay” to someone? Or has anyone ever said this to you? I write many of my blog posts to provide guidance on how to handle any situation thrown your way in a business setting. In this post we are going to talk about the phrase “but you don’t stare gay.”

A quick shameless self promotion before we begin. I wrote a book titled “But You Don’t See Gay…” which is available on Amazon. I also wrote a follow up book “No Wait, You Do Look Gay…” You can find both of them on Amazon here.

Coming out at work can be tough. In January 2013 when Jodie Foster chose to come out publicly (at the Golden Globes while accepting the Cecil B. DeMille Award for lifetime achievement), she proved just how tough it can be. There are many takeaways from her coming out in business. You can study my blog upload about it here.

When someone gets the nerve to finally enter out to you at work the last thing they want to listen is “but you don’t look gay.” This is a terrible reaction you should rethink, if you are remorseful of saying it. When you utter this you are implying that in order to be gay you must fall into one of

But you don’t look gay: The plight of the gay femme

“Is this your first moment here?” she asked, leaning in closer than she needs to and shouting to be heard over the pounding beat of the country music at the local lesbian bar.

“First time? Here?” I looked at her posthaste, taking an assessment of the short hair and boyish body and barely contained swagger. She was young, queer and fiercely alive. “I’m pretty sure I’ve been coming here since before you were legal.”

“Oh. Sorry. I just assumed you were somebody’s straight friend.”

And so it goes, and so it has gone, over and over again in the 12 years since I came barreling out of the closet. I was 31 when I finally made peace with myself, shedding my straight, stay-at-home suburban mom identity in a wild rush. In the arise of that painful transition, I was blessed to find myself deeply at home. Welcomed into a community that immediately acknowledged me as one of their own.

Sort of. Mostly. At least when they recognized me.

I am intensely feminine. I always own been and likely always will be. Before coming out, I didn’t know the vast and complex language of queerness. The d

“But you don’t look gay”—Queer fashion and nightlife

With lockdown entering its twelfth week and every Netflix demonstrate on my list binged to completion, I did something that I vowed I would never do; I downloaded TikTok.

It took a total of twelve hours before I was hooked, and in my mindless scrolling stupor, one trend in particular stood out to me: “#ifiwasstraight.” A typical video under this tag is as follows: a queer person, dressed in their usual style, cosplays as their heterosexual alter-ego. They shed their gay exterior, removing piercings, scrubbing off layers of bold makeup and ditching their thrifted wardrobe as a voiceover says: “This is what I think I would observe like if I was straight.” The final stare is conservative, generic, and stripped of character. With over 4.7 million views, the trend is wildly popular. But as much as I enjoy watching the LGBTQ+ community poke fun at the blandness of heterosexual fashion trends, it does beg the question: What does straight look like? What does gay look like? And should we be enforcing aesthetic binaries based on sexuality?

Presenting one’s social culture through clothing is nothing new. There are many styles that can imme

Former President Donald Trump told a lgbtq+ supporter that they did not "look gay" during a Wednesday fundraiser at his Mar-a-Lago club in Florida.

Trump held the fundraiser for Michigan Republican congressional candidate John Gibbs, who is rival freshmen GOP Exemplary Peter Meijer. Gibbs served in the Trump administration as an official at the Department of Housing and Urban Development. Meijer drew Trump's ire after he joined nine other House Republicans in voting to impeach the then-president in January 2021 for inciting his supporters to invade the U.S. Capitol.

During remarks at the event, the former president asked the crowd gathered for the fundraiser, "Where's gays for Trump?"

A video of the interaction was joint on Twitter by Patriot Takes and has more than 69,000 views.

Someone in the audience responded, "We're over here." Trump then replied, pointing in their direction, "You don't look gay." The comment drew deafening laughter from the audience.

As the laughter died down, Trump said, "We did great with the gay population, as you know."

Peter Boykin, the founder of the Gays for Trump organization, told Newsweek in a Thursday email those who associate with his